Why did I call my thesis Cyberhorny? Like an ensconced medieval nun experiencing a divine sudden flash of agony and ecstasy, it just came to me. In this cyber world, we are horny.
I believe it’s important to talk about sexuality in this digital age not only on the narrow Onlyfans perspective but of the online culture as a whole.
There are so many things not covered by traditional sex education that need to be pondered like an orb: disassociation of the online persona, egoic illnesses, sexual healing, inclusivity, accessibility, dark desires, e-capitalism, the desire for intimacy, the desire for a nice life, the desire for depravity, and so much more.
This is compiled from my years of working in the sex industry and existing at such a strange time, where we’re all virtually (lol) avatars of ourselves. Being online and putting the self out there so vulnerably may result in fragmentation of the personality; we all fragment daily depending on who we are with, but it’s a different psychological experience being in your “irl self” and “online self” — for me, they bleed into each other. I give a lot of myself to this site. Often too much, and I have to rein it back to not become obsessive. Similarly, my online persona which is a sexually exaggerated version of my irl persona then activates my irl persona even more — over time this has led to a higher level of personal and sexual confidence for me so I’m not mad.
How do we gather information and how do we know it is real? Do we trust things online? Without sounding too much like a pretentious fuck, how do we reconcile the epistemology of fake news and inauthenticity online without going completely insane and disassociating?
The online world has almost overtaken our corporeal reality, it certainly influences it. There’s a reciprocal nature to these two realities. Adding sex to this mirror of infinite regress is very interesting since we can’t actually fuck the person on the screen, but the human brain will process activities like masturbation as a reality.
Why do we even want sex? Why do we crave it, why do we risk it all for it? As a human desire that’s been there since the beginning of creation, we already have many answers to this that are primal.
Why do we want popularity? This too has certain evolutionary biological processes but the drive to be popular has never been as toxic and feckless as it is now. Eventually this bullshit influencer culture will fall, and as cheesy as it sounds I think people will see through the bullshit.
Why do we want money (a lot of it)? Capitalism conditions us to be capitalists. We’re conditioned to want a lot of money while working bullshit wage jobs to barely scrape by. We want what we don’t have, and the system is rigged against us to prevent us from having it. Most people should be satisfied with having a great livable wage and enough resources to live happily, eat well, follow their passions. Why the fuck then do people want more? Why do we idealize and idolize those with millions, billions of dollars? Those at the top of the proverbial food chain don’t even have enough time to spend all their money. Consumerism has overtaken us and it’s pathetic. Money being a primary motivator for people is really sad. Obviously I am motivated by it too, I have to somehow profit to make a living and pay my rent. Living in poverty has shown me the depths of hell and a place I deeply viscerally fear going back to. I’m able to make a modest living with this platform and while my niche content won’t ever be able to make me wealthy, I don’t need to make hundreds of thousands of dollars a month. But I do have fantasized about what I would do if I were in that position. Why?
What in our collective human subconscious of the past few hundred industrial years has made us idealize fast tracks to wealth so badly?
What would you do if you were rich? Would you help change the course of a dying planet? Would you help people, for real? Or help them in a way that satisfies your ego? Would you only help yourself? If I were to truly make bank from this account, I would do things to unify and educate people, rather than other myself and divide. Connection and unity is wildly important, now more than ever, even if it’s through a screen.
Why do we want emotional/sexual connection in a digital landscape? It’s strange that in this dystopia, and I do believe we live in the early stages of a dystopia, online connections can feel more real than “real” ones. This is what I find fascinating, intangible, and something I will spend my whole life probably trying to dissect. The various realities we experience are so trippy and psychedelic.
The hustle and grind culture has fucked us up, filled us with competitive toxicity, and dulled our life satisfaction. I believe leisure is more valuable than working yourself to the bone (I say this as I suffer from hypocritical overachieving and fucking workaholism). I dream of having a life where rest is collectively valued and the girlbossification of society is over with. Constantly being pressured to outdo yourself does something harsh to your brain. Being inundated with constant advertising, spam, and marketing bullshit rewires our brain chemistry to be desensitized to the oversaturation of data. The way to combat this for me has been to unplug, take breaks from being online, and liberate my feelings of uselessness and self-doubtful thinking.
To me, having an Onlyfans, beyond being a source of income, is a source of liberation and delight. Knowing that I can make a few people turned on is an incredible thing for me. Being perceived as “hot” or “pretty” after a lifetime of suffering from body image issues, eating disorders, and general melancholia, seems unreal. Nothing is real. Nothing matters. Nothing makes sense. Most of my days are spent in a depressive, disassociating state. But if for a brief moment in my day I feel good about myself, and if it’s due to a stranger online subscribing to me, sending a tip for the content I work so hard on, or giving a genuine, thoughtful compliment — it’s everything. If my online presence can make others feel this type of joy, then I’m happy to exist online and provide this interactive parasocial porn experience.
There is so, so, so much more I have to say about all this that can’t be covered merely in a longwinded Onlyfans post, to be covered more in depth in my Cyberhorny project as I write and develop it, keep up with the process on my OF if you would like:
Be assured we're all SW positive pro-feminists here but I have been reading a bit in Nina Power's book called "What Men Want: Masculinity And It's Discontents". Somewhere in that it talked about the manosphere, MGTOW and "NoFapping" as symptomatic of backlash due to a lack of space to discuss positive masculinities. You seem to understand the vulnerabilities of your subscribers and say you also want to humanise them. Perhaps you are uniquely well placed to consider what heterosexual men really need in contemporary culture without getting all "Redpill" about it?
You wrote an excellent short piece about Parasocial relationships, erotic comfort and the use of artificially intelligent companions. Worth sharing that here? Also the accompanying piece on censorship and monitoring of your content by AI and its limitations?
Hentai and Crack belongs here.
Is it safe to comment here without effecting your OF gig? I've done a lot of reading just now and this is the girl I care about.